Overture

I've been meaning to create a blog for quite some time now...I don't why but the idea of just sharing and venting some thoughts that are in my head, when I don't really voice them out loud, has an appeal to me. I'll try to treat this blog as kind of a journal of what goes through my head.

I'm not the strongest writer either, hence the name "Average Jane". I'm average in everything I do. I think some people might be able to relate to that. 

The only time I don't feel average is when I'm thinking about my purpose in life. I think most people go through life without thinking about it, or have it really clear in their heads. In this case I really think it's either or. Those who don't know/don't care about what they are doing here in this planet. They live their lives seemingly unware of /or go with the flow of what life throws at them, and that's it, they keep going forward, just doing their thing and reacting to things that happen to them. And there are those who have it very clear in their minds what they like to do, want to do, how to do it and when to do it. Those people also live their lives normally, and keep moving forward and dealing with things. I am neither if those two types of people. I'm stuck in a place where I don't know what I want to do, I don't know what I like to do, and I have no idea how to figure it out. Now you ask me, "why don't you feel average in this case?" Well, I feel like most people don't think the same things I think about when it comes to life itself, and what happiness is, and what is the meaning of life.

I'm in my 30's. I am married, no kids and 2 dogs. I work as project manager for an Ed-tech company. My husband is in IT. We are not going through a rough patch financially or in our relationship. So, I should be happy, right? Yeah... 

Sometimes I feel like it would be just better for everyone and for me if I just seized to exist. Don't get me wrong, I don't wanna kill myself or anything BUT...if seizing to exist and having the memories people have of you seize to exist as well, I'd take that option. Just like Hermione casting the Obliviate spell, but instead of just erasing others' memories, you seize to exist as well. 

Don't ask me why I feel this way, I just do. I feel like it would be better for everyone around me not to have me around...and to protect them from any pain, the memories they have of me should be gone as well. 

I don't know how to end this post. So, well, I guess that's it for today.